Monday, September 14, 2009


Before I copy and paste the post I have here, I want to let those of you know that I WILL be updating my website as soon as I purchase the new version of Adobe Dreamweaver. That should happen in about a month or so. My apologies but money has been tighter than usual as of late.

Onto the post:

Only a few months left until it is over and I am hearing a lot of people talking about it. It's definitely been an important year for me - I didn't say good or bad, I said important.

- I turned 40 years old. I don't look nor act it which I sometimes think is good, though I sort of feel like I need to be making a lot more money than I am. A 40 year old is supposed to be financially independent to some extent, shouldn't she?

- On that note, I can't help but wonder what would happen if, God forbid, The Husband couldn't work anymore, of is he goes before I do. I certainly could not take on the financial burden of a house in my current economic state. His response to that is that he is going to live forever. I do love that man.

- I've lost almost 100 pounds. That is a change all on its own. yes, I have more energy. Yes, I can fit into smaller sized clothing, which in itself is good because I have cuter options. I still don't get it though. I look in the mirror and I have no idea WHO I am looking at most of the time.

- The Weight Loss has affected my art positively. No longer is my work about society's idea of beauty, and body image. I have been able to move on from that topic since I feel it is somewhat resolved (I mean in my work).

- This was THE year that The Husband and I went in circles over the idea of having a child. It was probably one of the more important decisions we've had to make. Without getting into the whole reason, we've decided it best to just have our four-legged ones and not introduce another human into this world.

- And most recently, the death of my father. That change is still happening. I think back on my father though and have made some realizations.I guess I will just have to wait and see how much of his death changes the course of my life, if at all.

These days have left me with a feeling of malaise. I don't have the desire to do a whole lot outside of work and housework, which are obligations. I wouldn't go as far to say it's depression, but there is definitely a drained feeling. The one thing that makes me feel alive is the Autumn season coming upon us. It is my favorite time of year. I love the smell of the leaves, the early morning sun and the crisp coolness in the air. I also have to mention the love of not having the neighborhood children around as they go back to school!

I hope to return to the body of work in progress shortly. In the meantime, I have a title for the series - "We're Not in Wonderland Anymore".

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Nicholas Tornabene - R.I.P.

My father has passed away. He had been ill for quite some time. Well, he's been tormented all of his 72 years...He was physically abused, verbally abused and suffered with paranoid schizophrenia. He tried to be a father to the 3 of us, but wasn't truly capable of that. I didn't have much of a relationship with him, though I wish I had. He had an artistic side that was never nurtured. He did have kindness in him and I know my love for animals came from him.

He died in his sleep, though I don't believe it was peaceful. He was peaceful, however, when I saw him in the casket and I know he was at peace when he was laid to rest in the cemetery. While the priest was reciting the last prayers there, a strong breeze overcame us. I truly believe it was caused by the great wingspan of the angels flying over to collect his spirit and take him up to the Heavens.

I honestly didn't think his death was going to affect me as it has but it made me realize that deep inside, I did have love for this man.

Daddy, you can now be at peace.