Thursday, November 17, 2016

On the horizon for 2017

This year is almost coming to a close. We, Americans are faced with an extremely difficult time as the president elected is probably one of the worst in history. Well, at least in my history. Living in France and being on social media has given me distance to see things clearer and I am just very sad and afraid for what will happen in the next 4 years and I can only hope that there is either an impeachment beforehand or that it's calmer and less dangerous than what is expected and hope that there are stronger people there to take on the next presidency in 2021. And I also hope that there are many of us that are doing things to make a difference and an impact. I may not be strong enough to do so myself, but I shine my light to those that will. And I thank each and every one of you that does.

This year seemed to have had also brought more losses in entertainment than previous years and we lost so many inspirations. You will all be missed.

The personal silver lining is that I am settling here more, gaining more employment and progressing more with French. In my relationship with my husband, I discover more, each day, of what it is to be in a happy, loving and fulfilling marriage. These things I mention are the blessings that I do not take for granted each day.

And I am working diligently on my image making. I spent almost 2 years on work that I have since given up on only to turn to something new. That's what it's all about you know. I don't consider it a waste of time. I had to do it to get to this place and I hope that this place is one I stay with for awhile.

I will close this post with this. May 2017 be a time of strength and love for us all. May it be a time that we focus on what is really important in our lives and to nurture it and each other. If we are able to help one another, let's do so without hesitation.We can do that in a huge way or in a small way. We do not have to show that we are heroes. It will be known.

I will also close this post with another new image. I entitled this "The Ugly Duckling"  as a reminder to  myself that once I was told this, repeatedly so I accepted it and lived that way. No more. The swan has sprouted her wings. I will never again feel that ugly, inside or out. And I want the women out there to feel that way about themselves. NO ONE should tell you otherwise. No man nor woman.

Blessed be to you all.

Monday, November 7, 2016

fumbling around again

November 7, 2016.

 It's cold and rainy with leaves still falling, but not completely fallen. Feels like me. I am struggling with so many things at the moment - a serious financial crisis, past demons haunting me in my thoughts and dreams and an overall depressive state of mind. My husband is wonderful and is always there to support me with his words, his actions, and his love but when I feel stuck, it's hard to get unstuck.

However, if I am indeed stuck, I am doing it standing. I am not in bed with the blankets over my head. So falling, but not fallen.

I spend so much of my mental energy figuring out what else I can do to make money in order to survive that there is very little space in there to devote to my art. But somehow, there is a little. I spent the last year and change, working on some images that I now feel is not really me. I did get excited to try different things but in the end, I am not sure what any of it said. I went back to look at all of my old work and moreso my 2 series of work "Rabbitholes and Revelations" and "Not Wonderland" and said "ok maybe not every image here is strong but I had a purpose in creating them. I thought maybe a new starting point would be to revisit the journey and ideas from that time but with a different process, a different outcome. Maybe the process I have used for "The Divine Journey" and maybe with a more monochromatic and soft feel like the previous works.

It's a thought anyway and I am grateful for being able to still come up with ideas. Will see where this goes and in while all the other difficult stuff that I am dealing with is a constant, this is a positive one and so is the love I receive and give. I want to always be able to do give and not just receive.